Tales of the Black Swan: The Pulse (Part 1)

"The pulse is what drives us. The forbidden desires of the flesh." There was a time when I, Odile, enjoyed my solitude, untainted by wills of man. A time when I had not known man; had not known Siegfried. "They control us you know." Yes. Men control the weak minded, those lacking will. But my Prince is not controlling. He is one to be controlled. Has my unrequited love for Siegfried changed me? I am indeed a coward. I made no confession to him. I am so unwilling. I don't know why. I do want him. Strange things started happening to me about a week ago. Rothbart, a fine young protege of Sir Vladimir, has emerged as a character in my realm. He has taken an interest in me. He wants to control me. I can feel it. I can feel him. I sense he has as much power, mentally, as I do. His will is strong. He is a manipulative genius, but with no apparent purpose in life. I interestingly find Rothbart to be beautiful, but surrounded by darkness. I feel drawn to him. Every time I see him I get a strange feeling, a rapid pulse in my veins.

On A Side Note: Love Is Dead

"Love is and shall always be dead." I once struggled on how to accept this statement,as truth or fallacy. But in the end, I questioned the meaning and value of love. I pondered on its death in subjective terms. Death of love is an individual taking. I struggled on what it meant because what I thought was love, seemed futile to the overall metaphysics of love. But in reality, I didn't know what love really meant. I still don't know. But, based on observation, I think that if love can die, It can be resurrected.

On A Side Note: Chronicles

Love is not a game. Love is war.

Daily Doses: On a Side Note

Unfortunately, I have received the most horrendous urge to divert from finishing "Tales of the Black Swan" to express my life as is. Non metaphorically. For just a few posts at least... I feel as though I need to be real, if only for a moment. I was once afraid to share with myself, let alone the world, what I really am. I never confronted myself directly; explaining myself, my thoughts and emotions, without placing a wonderfully designed barrier called metaphor to do it for me. I no longer care what the unrelated humans in this world think of me. I no longer live by the metal rules of society. I don't play the social games of life. This is my life story, on a side note.

Daily Doses: The Ridiculous Dream

My dream, which turned into a nightmare, was full of symbols I didn't understand during the dream. When I woke up, I felt as if I had a revelation... The dream started off a grandiose as always. I was a queen in a medieval time period. I live in a maze like castle with a king. We were happy I suppose. Living each day with a feast. There were 5 children. Four were mine, that were born of my body. The one prince was related to the king only. During the feast, the king gave his kingdom to the lone prince, making him crown prince. He promised my eldest daughter in marriage to the crown prince (as this seemed to be a custom). Another woman was at the side of the king. She also wore royal attire. I don't think she liked me and the king sensed this. Things started to slowly vanish (as custom for dreams) until it was just me and the king left. He became physically close to me. He started saying things I couldn't understand. Then it seemed as if he wanted to kiss me. As he leaned in, he whispered something to me. "The ravens are coming. Find me again." Before he could finish, he vanished. I was alone only for a moment before I heard screams. Then, nun like maids came to me, telling me to leave with them. They were also talking about the ravens. As we were leaving, ravens were coming after us! They were right behind us. But, these weren't ordinary ravens. They were intelligent like humans, and they had a purpose. As soon as I reached the staircase leading to the main hall of the castle, the maids vanished. I still heard the ravens. Suddenly, the king appeared from behind me. He didn't want me to go down the steps. He started telling me a story that I couldn't fully comprehend. It was about 3 maidens who once lived in the castle. The ravens wanted to posses the maidens and sought to do so. The maidens hid in a secret room in the castle, where they vanished before being taken by the ravens. Then I sensed it. That room was one of the rooms in the main hall. I had to go down the steps before I could reach it. I also noticed the king was wearing all black, very different from the colorfully arrayed noble attire he wore at the feast. I knew something wasn't right. Even if I couldn't understand everything he was saying, I noticed too much sarcasm in his voice. He was was quite cold. I attempted to run, but he grabbed my arm. When he did that, black feathers started falling from the blackened ceiling. Three of my children were downstairs, calling for me. The woman who was sitting beside the king at the banquet suddenly appeared, also wearing black. The king pulled me closer to him. He kept saying "The ravens are here. Go from me" but he wouldn't let me go. I felt like he wanted to cry. The mysterious woman started talking. She professed to be the real queen and that my king must destroy me. At that the king let me go, and kissed the other woman, giving me a small opportunity to make a fast run down the stairs. Before I reached the last step, I woke up... I am very puzzled as to what my subconscious was trying to tell me, if anything at all. I counted at least 11 elements in the dream that could have meaning. 1) The King 2) The children 3) The crown prince 4) The betrothal of my eldest daughter to him 5) The mysterious woman 6) The nun like maidens 7) The Ravens 8) The staircase 9) The secret room 10) The Kiss 11) Me, The Queen.

Daily Doses: Foxes and Wolves

The fox and the wolf belong to the same family. Both are canine. Both have the same goals in mind but take different initiatives reaching them. The wolf is blatant and bold. The wolf lets you know how he feels about you. He lets you know that you are his desired prey, and that he wants to devour you. The fox, however, is sly. The fox uses trickery. He makes you think he is your friend, before he takes you down. The wolves aren't friends, but at least they don't try to hide it. The wolves show their "teeth" to make you aware of where they stand with you. Foxes show their "teeth" also, but pretend they are "smiling". This makes the fox more dangerous than the wolf. The fox lures you, and while you run from the growling wolf, you flee into the open jaws of the "smiling" fox... Wolves and foxes both have conniving minds, are both hunters, attackers, hard to talk to, and love playing around. What else fits this description?

Tales of the Black Swan: Dismal Days (Part 1)

This rainfall was beautiful this morning. I didn't want to use my umbrella today, but I did, so I wouldn't be looked upon with scrutiny. People these days don't enjoy the rain as in times past. If I had it my way, I would walk in the rain, without an umbrella, no matter how hard it poured. I wouldn't care if my feathers got wet. Odette and the others shy away from such weather, where as I embrace it. "Its childish to play in water" they would say. I love the feeling when the icy cold drops prick my warm skin. I'm going to go back to the lake, alone, to enjoy the rain. I wonder what my prince thinks of the rain?

Tales Of The Black Swan: The Fate Unfolded (The Feeling)

In the beginning, Odile dreamed dreams untainted by the touch of Siegfried. She was content with the black roses Rothbart had given her. She lived in blissful solitude. It wasn't until she saw him that she felt "The Feeling". It wasn't until he spoke, that she was consumed with thoughts of him. Yes, she did grow to love him, but she didn't understand it. She didn't understand the magnitude of "The Feeling". That feeling would soon become the driving force of all her ambitions, goals, and desires. All the while, Prince Siegfried remained unaware of "The Feeling" that bound her to him...

Tales Of The Black Swan: The Feeling I Never Known

"What have you done to me?" I thought to myself as Prince Siegfried cried. His tears pierced my heart. I was carrying his sorrow, a feeling of pain I never known. Why did I care if he cried? It wasn't to be my burden! Once the his tears began, he changed my soul. I felt such pity. Such desire to comfort him. "Odile!" he whispered. "Forsake me..." And that was it. I left him to himself. I didn't want to share his anguish anyway. But, I couldn't forget. I couldn't forget the feeling. The feeling of wanting to hold him in my arms. The desire to comfort him. I never felt such things before...

Tales Of The Black Swan: The Sound Of Tragedy

The Original Story Of Swan Lake: Prince Siegfried made a vow of love to the beautiful Odette. One day, Odile the Black Swan, tricked Siegfried into expressing his love for her, rather than Odette, breaking the vow. Odette, not wanting to be without Siegfried's love, jumps into the lake, ending her life. In agony of losing his beloved Odette, Siegfried jumps into the lake as well... THE END! My Version Of Swan Lake: Read Tales Of The Black Swan ;) Here is the musical finale to the actual ballet... Enjoy.

Tales Of The Black Swan: Her Love, His Plight

Odile, the epitome of tragical romance, has fallen for the noble Prince Siegfried. Her love for him has cast a wave of turmoil on their young hearts, for Siegfried belongs to another, Odette. Yes, Siegfried hath vowed his love to Odette before his amorous encounters with Odile. Odette has his heart, but Odile does desire it. What shall Odile do? Should she corrupt his heart to turn to her, stealing his vowed love, or should she accept that her prince is bound to another woman? My prince shall suffer, either way, for Odile has already made a significant etch in his heart. It is her love, his plight...

Quote Of The Day

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing. -Anais Nin

Tales Of The Black Swan: Origins

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful Princess by the name of Odette. Across town, there was a dark beauty by the name of Odile, the Princess of the Black Swans. Princess Odette, the virtuous and true Princess of the White Swans, fell in love with the handsome and noble Prince Siegfried. Unfortunately, Princess Odile was also in love with this noble Prince. Wanting to fight for his love, she declared war on Princess Odette. The winner of this war would gain Prince Siegfried's heart for all eternity...

Daily Doses: Sunday Special (我对青少年焦虑的高)

I'm kinda burnt out from my rants on romance. Today I'm taking a major break in my life to contemplate my aspirations. What is it that I really want? What I currently have is a swollen bleeding heart of angst! I really need to let go of my past. It is holding me back from my future...

Romanticide: The Seed

Everything has a beginning. Every thought, every action, every word spoken came from an original idea. Ideas in the human mind form from our own perceptions, our own view points of situations and events. But what we perceive individually will come to us in our different forms. But, despite different opinions of the mind, a single thought can come from a single source. Like a seed being planted in the mind, an idea grows from fertile soil, which is our own perception. It can grow and alter our own personalities from its originality, whatever that may be... Love is like a seed planted into the heart. But, that seed could easily grow to become a weed, choking out our feelings and leaving bitter scars. Or, it could bloom into a beautiful flower, a delicate romance. Whatever the seed becomes depends on the fertilizer and the outside elements...

Quote Of The Day

A mighty pain to love it is, And 'tis a pain that pain to miss; But of all pains, the greatest pain It is to love, but love in vain. - Abraham Cowley

Quote Of The Day

"Love, unrequited, robs me of my rest: Love, hopeless love, my ardent soul encumbers: Love, nightmare-like, lies heavy on my chest, And weaves itself into my midnight slumbers!" - William S. Gilbert

Romanticide: In Love With Love

After living half my teenage years in denial, I will finally admit it... I'm in love with love. I'm in love with the ideas and concepts of romance, even in their extremes. As I grow older, I gain more knowledge on the art of love. In the next few days I hope to share my knowledge with the outside world...

Royal Affairs: The Final Chapter

Its July now, and all the battles are over. I haven't been able to update things for the past 2 months due to a busy schedule. Anyway, I am happily graduated and I made quite an honorable mark in NEHS history... That's all I ever wanted, and that's what I got. There is a new heir on the throne now. A very sweet a precious young child have become the new Queen. There currently is no King. I wish her good luck, as I move on to enter a new empire (University). Now that I'm done with musical hierarchy, I will continue my life stories in a new direction...

Royal Affairs: Part 6

Nothing has happened much since friday. Friends and foes, on the other hand, are rapidly changing. People are changing as this dynasty is coming to its end. The king seems to be getting more enlightened and so are his subjects. The queen is still as generous as ever. The former queen is reclaiming some old territory. Currently I am practicing my archery and sword skills, to prepare myself for the upcoming battle. Since this empire is majorly made up of females, me joining the army is not uncommon. In fact, all of the knights are female, with the males being foot soldiers. The king is basically the only male who is even living in the palace! Before the current king was crowned, we were all ruled by the queen mother. The queen mother fought rebellions in the court of her own. Back in those days, I was still a commoner. The country had a year of turmoil, which was only ended when the emperor stepped in. When our king was crowned, all the rebels were gone and "peace" was once again restored. Now, the former queen and her entourage still refuse to join the battle. Somehow, I must try to get her to fight for our empire. In order to do that, she may need to gain some additional power...

Royal Affairs: Part 5 - The Great Battle

There is a day in every dynasty in which an empire must prove itself against its enemies. Our empire's day is suddenly approaching. The great musical battle of will and wits will take place May 22nd! It will be a battle to prove ourselves worthy of being an independent empire! Our country's honor is on the line. The rival empire from a land called New York, has claimed us as a barbarian mongol nation, a true insult! For this, we must beat them in the dust! But, sadly, the former queen and her maids have chosen not partake in the battle, even though the king and emperor greatly suggest it. The queen's reasons are not quite clear except that she has lost all favor with the empress. Since the sole purpose of the battle is for honor and glory, an honor which will reflect the greatness of the emperor and empress, she will have nothing to do with the matter. I have chosen to remain loyal to the empress who has shown great appreciation for me. Me and my people will go and defeat this rival empire despite our little numbers. Its not the number of our army that defines us, but rather out war strategy. We will use all strength to shine our way out of the dark cloud that has recently surround the kingdom. Even if I shall fall in battle, I am giving my full confidence in the king I once resented, the one who rejected me. He has changed and he has changed me. I now will give my life for him because he deserves it for what he has done. He has kept his promise and brought true reform to our country. He has made it thrive again. The commoners no longer fear him but put their faith in him! This is the kind of leader who will lead our empire to victory!

Royal Affairs: Part 4

As time progress till the great clash of empires, the king has recently confided in me the hidden secrets and intentions of the royal family. He has told me the greatest secret of all, which revealed the true nature of the royal family. The former queen was not pushed out of the throne, but she resigned herself! From the king's stand point, she wanted nothing to do with him anymore. She also was planning to set the new queen up for failure, which I think backfired greatly. It seems the true nature of this empire is getting clearer as we get closer to the end. The end of the reign of our king is quickly approaching. It has been confirmed that his new queen will succeed him on the throne as sole ruler, just as he did to the previous queen, the Queen Mother. Anyway, errors of the emperor are also becoming clear, due to the fact that his mistakes are effecting us all. I have come the realize that it wasn't a waste trying to please my king. I see that his heart is with the people, not just the nobles. He wants to reunite the country by slowly dissolving the oppressive cast system. I also realize the former queen was not evil, but simply misguided. She was searching to heal her heart, but looked in the wrong place. She is now finding herself, as I found myself years ago...

Royal Affairs: Part 3

The king has suddenly show favor in me! I don't know what to think of the situation. On top of that, the former queen wishes to form a truce! The king has privately said that he wishes me to retake my former position as king's consort. I believe he has the power to do that, since he has the emperor's full favor. But, despite wanting my old position back, I need to forgo it for the sake of my allies. How can I be a leader to them if I must remain in the palace. Now that I have mentally matured greatly since the first time I was consort, I no longer desire such a position. I even felt such a position was now beneath me. I felt that being called a consort was similar to slave. A slave of the king and his royal family. I am free now! I have created my own status, neither royal or slave. It is a status that everyone can share and be happy in...

Royal Affairs: Part 2

Since the queen's dethronement, I have lived peacefully. I do feel it was unfortunate though, for her majesty to be second place in her own kingdom. Even though she was ruthless, I can't say she wasn't loyal. She remained loyal to the king ever since he was enthroned and she was queen. I do feel her pain, her rejection. The king definitely should have defended his woman's position, rather than cast her out. Since the queen lost noble favor, she wishes to form alliances with people I already formed alliances with. It's a funny thing how life is. That saying, "what goes around comes around" is absolutely true. Now the queen seeks guidance, since the Imperial Family has rejected her (or who she rejected). What should I do? Should I try to form a truce alliance with her or should I continue fighting my war alone?

Royal Affairs: Part 1

In the 4th year of the reign of our king, the queen was suddenly replaced by a younger woman. This woman was completely different from the former queen. She was fully of grace and compassion. She favored me and attempted to break up the tension in the court. Of course the former queen was not happy with this. Since it was the emperor's will that the queen give her up, she no longer favored him. The queen no longer favored the empress either. The emperor wasn't completely harsh for he did let her remain in the royal palace, only as a concubine rather than a queen. When this happened, the queen lost most of the nobles that favored her. She was completely alone, accept for a few loyal maid servant. The king had nothing to say about this, since he was enjoying a much younger and beautiful woman as queen.

From Nobility To Royalty: A Short Lived Legacy

Finally, I was fully accepted into the royal palace. I was adorned fully in royal robes and I had a complete royal entourage. I was no longer servant class and I had the full support of the empress. She daily graced me with her presence and time, trying to prepare me to win the favor of the emperor. Unfortunately, the emperor did not fully accept me as the king's main consort. He felt the position was above my station. So, he took my royal status away and replaced me with a younger, less experienced concubine. It didn't matter that she knew nothing of royal life, but it did matter what my background was. The emperor never gave me a proper chance to prove myself to him. The king and queen of course had nothing to say in my defense, so I went to the empress about it. She did support me, like I expected. In fact, she was willing to get my position back. To my own amazement, I declined. I declined because I felt I could better serve the common people if I were closer to them. I therefore accepted my rank as a second class servant to the king. I still retained a substantial amount of power in the courts. I was able to help the common people survive and still keep my dignity. Because the empress favored me over the appointed king's consort, I held much more power than she did. The people followed and loved me, enough to make me queen! That is all I could really ask for...

From Commoner to Nobility: Part 2

Finally, my dream of becoming the main consort to the king was close at hand. While I was sliding through the cracks in the door, formed valuable relationships with a few nobles and alliances with other commoners. I realized that with the support and respect of the common people, I could get more favor from the emperor (who is the sole decider in who becomes the king's consort). The queen of the king wasn't too happy about my rising power. Misguided by her closest servant, she sought to destroy me. I was determined not to let this happen, even if it meant starting a rebellion. She attempted to get rid of me through a series of palace reformations, which made those who purchased nobility become outcast. In retaliation, I started a civil war, commoners verse nobles. Since I knew what it was like to be a commoner, I knew how to appease them. I knew exactly what they were yearning for. I truly wanted to help the common people rise beyond their social restrictions, like I had done. It was then that I realized I had to sacrifice some of my power to achieve my ultimate goal... Restructuring the social barriers of the empire!

From Commoner to Nobility: Part 1

Once I reentered the empire, I faced another set of trials. Thanks to the servants of the royal family, I was able to survive. I accumulated more figurative wealth and was able to purchase nobility status. With that status I was able to enter the royal palace as a servant of the emperor's current consort. She taught me many valuable lessons that would last a life time. She was the only one in the entire palace who shown me true compassion and loyalty. Unfortunately, the next year she left and I was once again in danger. My position was threatened by much younger woman with a higher status. That was the beginning of a political war. It seemed that she was trying her best to become the king's new consort. I was determined not to let this happen. We had a year long power struggle until I realized what she was really after. She wanted to join the royal family and obtain even more power than I wanted. She succeeded the following year by becoming the queen's most trusted servant, and secondary consort to the king. Even though she gained more power, she left her initial position open. It was finally mine for the taking...

From Slave to Pauper

Ever since I was in first grade, I was teased and harassed for being "different" from the majority population. I had different beliefs and standards that I lived by. I acted differently and refused to assimilate to what was considered "normal". For this, I was a considered inferior to my peers. This constant humiliation and degradation lasted until I was out of middle school. When I transitioned to high school, I was finally deliberated from a mental oppression and I was able to have a fresh start. I was still different though. I still was trying to cope with the years of terror, so I didn't fit in right away. I was still an outcast. Since high school life wasn't as severe as elementary and middle school, you could say my transition was from a slave to a pauper. I entered the empire as a free, but inferior person. The emperor and empress had already appointed the king and queen. Because I was a figurative pauper, I didn't fit in with the nobility class students. Despite this, the emperor had favored me. Disheartened, I left the empire for a year to attain some figurative wealth in order to heighten my social status. I returned the following year as a merchant class citizen. Though my status changed, I still wanted more...

The Beginning...

For those of you who don't understand the metaphors I am using to describe my life, I will explain it the best way possible, without revealing those who are involved. First, let us consider High School an Empire. Lets say the Music program is the Imperial Realm. For those of you who know the technicalities of being a member of such a program, you should understand what I am about to say next. Lets say this empire has an emperor and empress. I will liken this empire to Ancient China. Now the emperor has appointed a king and queen to lord over a region that's not too far from the China. Lets say the emperor appointed a king over Ancient Korea. Now lets say this king and queen were section leaders in a musical setting. Lets say the emperor and empress were the music program directors. Now that we have that settled, lets say I am a poor commoner who ran away from slavery to enter this country ruled by the emperor and empress. Since I was ambitious, I no longer wanted to be a commoner. I wanted to gain the highest position I could possible get. That position was to be the king's consort or concubine. With that position, I could have all the luxuries of the royal family without political drama. Now, lets say the position of Royal Consort is equal to second section leader...

Coco Puff: My Best Friend

My cat is an aristocratic animal. Her very ancestors where worshiped by the Pharaohs of Egypt. She is full of tradition. She is graceful, sensual and loyal. My cat acts so noble that my mom gets tempted to set the dinner table just for her. She listens and watches the world go by with very keen eyes, never missing anything.

Hidden Loyalties

Developing loyal relationships is the best advice for starting an empire. In order to conquer your enemies, you must have allies who you can be assured will join you in battle when the day comes. High School is a battle ground, where betrayal is an everyday affair. People will stick a knife if your back the first chance they get, if it means advancing up the social ladder. It is best to keep any alliances you form hidden, so they won't be corrupted my your enemies. Getting loyal followers isn't the hard part. Keeping them loyal is. You must plan things (situations) that you know will end in your favor. If you wish to have allies, you must be able to read them like an open book. You must see them for who they are. You must get to know their personal details. You must be able to control how they affect you. Only then can a true alliance form.

Ambitions

This is my first blog ever, so please don't judge too harshly... Anyway, I decided that my first topic should be on ambitions. My ambitions to be exact. I was once a very ambitious person. I wasted many years trying to gain power and position among my peers. I almost reached my goal, until I was bitterly torn down by ridiculous circumstances. It was then that I realized I didn't really want the power and glory I had been seeking. I realized that I could have better gratification in life if I just disappeared to the sidelines and watch everybody tear each other apart. Even though I have made myself invisible, I still carry ambitious desires, though they are much different than what I wanted two years ago. I am no longer trying to make myself look good. I realize that I can have more control over my circumstances if I remain unseen. My goal now is to continue creating a following. I now have loyal peers who I trust will never betray me. From the sidelines, I am determined to help them achieve their goals. In return, I am assured they will back me up when the time comes.