It’s that feeling right before you puke, that jolt of sickness running through your belly. You feel that swaying sickness, slowing taking over your mind. You start to sweat, as if you’re running a marathon. Your neck, your eyes, your lips get heavy. You start to speak but can’t form words. Your body aches, as if beaten all over. Beaten by the many burdens your tragic life throws upon you. Then you see her, that beautiful face in the distance. You see her and your pain fades away. Her nearing presence heals you…
“Jacob, Jacob!” She calls out to me from afar. I don’t respond. “Jacob! Come on hun. Hurry up will ya!” She motions me to run to her, but I don’t move. I watch as she walks toward me in disappointment.
“Jacob baby, you’re making us late. What’s wrong with you?”
“I’m not in the mood to go today. I’m sorry Relissa.”
I don’t mean to push her away, but I can’t take this right now. “Listen babe, I need to walk alone for a bit. You go on ahead and meet the group at the park. I’ll meet you later on.” I just couldn’t bear to see him again. Ivan invited me, Relissa, and Stephanie to see him perform in the park tonight. Ivan is my best bud. He was there for me in good and bad times. We’ve been through so much together, but nothing could have prepared me for this. I had such respect and trust for my bro. I once promised to be by his side as he done for me, but I just can’t face him now. Ivan loves her. He loves my girl Relissa. He loved her first. But she loved me first. What am I saying? I’m a traitor. I took her away from him. I took away his chance to be with her. What kind of friend am I? I am guilty of having no regrets, although I feel I should. I don’t regret having Relissa as my own, but I do regret the pain Ivan will feel when he finds out. If he finds out…
I walked in the direction of the park. When I got to the entrance, I froze. I just stood there, in the middle of the path. I started to hear the smooth melodies resonating from Ivan’s guitar. I could hear his soft voice singing the petty plights of our teenaged existence. He sang about love like it was some kind of drug. Something you had to have but was far from reaching. Something you desperately tried to grasp but kept slipping. To us, all of us, love was a curse. The four of us felt waves of desperation some time or another. And it was that desperation that held us together for so long...
The trees started to sway in the darkness. The wind shifted in the direction of the stage, vibrating around my body. Vibrating… I realized my phone was going off. I took it out my pocket and watched the flashing lights, feeling the vibrations in my fingers. It was Relissa calling. I answered it.
“Babe, you’re gonna miss Ivan’s performance!”
“I know. I plan on it. I’m sorry but I just can’t go now. I need to think for a bit.”
“Think about what? You’ve been thinking all day Jacob!” I could tell in her voice she was getting upset. “You seem distant from not only me, but all of your friends. Why don’t you hang out with us like you use to? I don’t understand it babe.”
“Look Rell, It’s not like that. I’m not trying to avoid you or anyone else. I just need some time alone right now. I promise I’ll talk to you tonight.”
“Wait Jake, how about I come over to your place once the concert is finished. We can spend time together and talk, just the two of us…”
“Alright. Don’t come too late though. I don’t want you walking in the dark by yourself.”
We said our goodbyes and hung up. That was it. She arranged to meet me at my place after Ivan’s concert. I usually would have made some excuse to go to her place instead, but my mom was out of town for the week. The apartment was completely empty. Things seemed so convenient, especially with Rell living down the block. I had bet Ivan and the gang were going for drink afterward so he wouldn’t suspect Rell coming to my place.
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